The Troglodyte’s Guide to Technology in Nairobi

It rained for much of Sunday, April 26, 2015 in Nairobi, Kenya. And for some reason – like happens on a rainy day – lethargy set in. I neither wanted to delve into project reports, crossword puzzles, nor video documentaries. But I was, inevitably, hungry – having, only hours and hours ago, dusted off a pre-rain breakfast at one of the Java Coffee places (washing down eggs, bacon, sausage and buttered toast with a delicious lemon-ginger-honey-flavored tea).

And how did I get to my breakfast place so early on a Sunday, I hear you ask! Well – I posed this same question to a new friend I am sharing this apartment with, and he, immediately warned against walking to Yaya Center. On top of this being too far to walk, I was much better off just ordering a taxi. ‘Like Uber,’ I asked – trying to assert the superiority of my first world existence in Robbinsville, NJ where you, by the way, cannot even get an Uber car! ‘Actually, Uber – but better,’ came the reply. What could be better than Uber, I wanted to know. The guy – who has neither been to the United States nor the United Kingdom – nonchalantly told me that although the service was not quite as good in either Dar-es-Salaam or Kampala, here in Nairobi, one could order a taxi via a Taxi App on a smartphone. What? Could technology be this part and parcel of middle class African cities?

Before I hearken back to hunger pangs on rainy Nairobi afternoons, I’d been skeptical when I, on landing at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport, asked the mobile phone kiosk attendant to put a data sim card into my iPad. The pleasant fellow was almost bemused as he, dexterously, whipping out the Essential Pin to perform the operation. Then, he returned the favor by feigning utter shock that my iPad did not already have a data sim card in it. With installation complete, I was suddenly overcome with The Cynicism of International Travelers about Data Speeds: I wondered if I’d be able to read Fox News or the Huffington Post as is constitutional when I am home. Not only did I browse everything under the World Wide Web in the taxi ride to the apartment – I was even able to comfortably see the living color of my twins and their mother over Skype! These speeds and data stability were practically a rumor in London, Paris and Geneva a fortnight or so ago!

Now, less than 18 hours later, here I was mentioning to my flat mate that I was craving proper African food. He asked what I was in the mood for: Pilau (rice with spices) and chapatti (an-even-more-delicious-than-the-tea-mentioned-above flat bread of sorts), I answered out loud. The fellow whipped out his laptop computer and set about asking me about portions and whether I wanted meat in my rice. I asked him what he was doing – and he said he was ordering food online. What? On a rainy Nairobi day? Yes – he responded, turning the screen to show me that there were restaurants ready to deliver food to a Nairobi suburb. He said he had placed the order, and I, ever the cynic, settled back on the couch – smugly certain that this was more twilight zone than the city I’d one lived in. Well, I got a surreal phone call soon enough – a pleasant person apologized that the stock of pilau and chapatti had been exhausted (the STOCK??) and that the restaurant was more than willing to provide alternatives. Alternatives? Over the phone? After ordering stuff online? In Kenya? In Africa? Not New York City?

I was suddenly forlorn. What had happened to lumbering incompetence and the lack of follow through this part of the world had been known for? Was the joke on me for being technologically inadequate? How were these people even able to communicate over data networks while it rained cats, dogs and vets? What the heck were they doing talking about stocks of food and taxis? And did I tell you that that unlike Uber, the Taxi App can show you the GPS movements of your ordered cab? And do you know that it yells ‘TAXI’ when the driver gets there? And for the record, the lunch arrived precisely 60 minutes later as advertised. More importantly, I was too impressed to care about pilau. Symmetrically sliced ugali can have that effect on you.