The ‘No Sons’ Policy

When my wife and I found out, earlier this year, that we were pregnant with twins, I secretly went down on my knees and prayed; thankful that I’d be able to fulfill my greatest wish to be a parent; that the children would be born with ten toes and ten fingers, and that they would be able to smile. But most of all, I prayed that they would be girls. When we found that that we were having girls, the tears in my eyes were tears of sheer joy, and lots of relief.

Because I am raising my family in the United States, I do not want to have sons. Black boys do not have a proper place in this society. They do not. And neither do black men. It does not matter that Barack Obama is president of the United States. It does not matter that I have been able to come from Africa and live this life I am currently living. Forget about Attorney General Eric Holder, Cornell West and Al Sharpton. These men are, for all intents and purposes, outliers. The greater majority of black men – the ‘ordinary’ ones – do not have the same opportunities that their white, brown or yellow bedfellows have.

Is it sexist or even racist to not want black sons? Yes. But I do not care. I’d rather have a child whose longevity I am more confident about than one I’ll raise as best as I can, and then have them mauled down by the system. It does not matter that some in the media – especially conservatives – do not see the lopsided system against black people. They are, as far as I am concerned, willfully ignorant about the black experience. Period.

Of course, I’d love to have a son – someone I can teach to be respectful to his mother, sisters and women. Someone who could use his charisma to bring change to other people – and someone who could teach his own daughters how to be the rock of society. But for this, I will have to move to another country. The United States of America is too dangerous for me to bring a black son into.